Counselling & Life Coaching

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By Felipe Oliveira

Counselling & Life Coaching Definitions

We better start by acknowledging that neither counselling nor life coaching are a regulated occupation in any part of the world. That makes things harder to have one major definition. You may find many different descriptions on the internet. I am here to present my personal definition and opinion with the aim to help you live your Authentic Life™ by deciding what is best for you.

I will be straight to the point without many words. Counselling deals with feelings. It deals with what you are feeling about your past, present and future, and from this point start to create a better life together with the client. Many people think that counselling only deals with feelings regards the past and the present. Counselling deals with the feelings about the future as well, in a way of how you are thinking and processing your future life. Many of us believe that counselling is only for those who are suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD and trauma. It is just not the reality. It can also help people who doesn’t have mental health issues and are looking to live their life at full potential.

Life Coaching deals with the construction of your future. Hence the word ‘coaching’. A few decades ago, it were used only for sports, such as soccer coach, tennis coach and so on. Meaning: it will give you strategies to achieve the goals you want to, regardless how you feel about your past and present. It is more concerned about the future than anything else.

Which one is best for you?

In order to answer this question, ideally, it would be for you to know what you are expecting of the sessions or the program. If you know what you want, and it is regarding to achieving a goal in a certain area of your life, then Life Coaching is more appropriate. If it is regarding a feeling, limiting belief, trauma, or mental health issues diagnosed by a doctor, then counselling & psychotherapy is the one.

If you don’t know what you want from a session, and are feeling uncertain about your life with a possibility of mental health issues, with some limiting beliefs, then counselling & psychotherapy is the way to go. A majority of my clients come to me without knowing what they really want from the sessions. A gentle approach is necessary in this case, so the answer for this question can come up from the True Self, and slowly, the life who wants live in you starts to flourish and becomes clear.

What do you want? Why? What's the blockage?

Another way to find out which is best for you is using these three questions I use sometimes to identify what is the best for my clients. These questions came from a profound study in Harvard that the people who could answer it, would have more chance to achieve their authentic lives:

1. What do you want for your life?

2. Why do you want that?

3. What’s blocking you to achieve that?

If you don't know what you want for your life, it could be because either you never asked that question seriously enough, or you already don’t believe you can have what you want in your life. Counselling & Life coaching could help you here equally, including if it is a limiting belief. The limiting belief could be related to traumatic past experiences that need a deeper attention, which in this case, counselling & psychotherapy is a wiser choice.

In order to complement the second question, Life Coaching is the way to go as it focuses on goals for the future and the best way to achieve it. Tony Robbins says that life coaching helps you to find where you are in your present situation, where you want to be in a certain time in future, and focus on reducing the gap between the present situation and future you want to be. The reasons of why you want that for your life will be the fuel to persist with consistency, and consequently achieving it.

Conclusion: Integration of Counselling & Life Coaching

My conclusion is that a integration of counselling & psychotherapy with life coaching is the ideal. Tony Robbins gives a great example. Let’s suppose that you want to climb a mountain, but you realize that your health is not perfect for such activity. Then, you have to first go to the doctor to heal and improve your health. Once your health is strong, you will need a guide who knows the mountain and have experience in climbing to help you to achieve the top. Notice that the combination between a doctor and the guidance helped you to achieve your goal. So is the combination of counselling and life coaching.

In my experience as a Seasoned Life Coach & Registered Counsellor I have noticed that most of my clients come wishing to know why they are what they are. Straight away I ask them what they are going to do with the answer of that question. In most cases, knowing why you are the personality you are will not help to live a more fulfilling life, or solve the challenges they are going through. What helps people to live a more abundant and authentic life is knowing what you want and why. In most of the cases, the majority of humans have plenty of limiting beliefs that are blocking them to achieve what they want. Plus, in many cases, the limiting beliefs are blocking them from even thinking and dreaming of what they really want in life

Counselling Approach: What's the life who wants to live IN you?

The counselling approach of this question is slightly different from coaching. A counsellor would ask you what is the life who wants to live in you? Whereas life coaching asks you what do you want to achieve in your life? A counsellor will examine your life together with you and will find out what brings you alive - especially for those who have lived three to more decades. A counsellor will use your life experience, examine your feelings of excitement and vitality, from the past, present and future, and both of you will find what is the life who wants to live in you. Once this is identified, then the work of a life coaching such as define goals with time frame, working in your story telling, and how to improve the relationships that will keep you living your Authentic Life - the life who wants to live in you based on your personal and professional experiences.

As you are already noticing, I promote a combination of both. A meaningful and excited life comes from a deeper self-knowledge, with actions according to your core values, which is what you value the most in your life. This requires the deeper work of counselling and psychotherapy, as much as the knowledge to apply the right actions and strategies to achieve such life - the work of life coaching.

Companionship Approach

Another strong component I noticed in my practice is a great number of clients who want companionship - not counselling, much less life coaching. Companionship is deep and active listening, with the attitude to be present to the other person. This one is more for those who achieved the life they wanted and are looking for a rest from the achieving mentality we all live in. They are not looking for advice, nor healing. In today’s days, life is so busy that the act of just being present and listen without agenda or to achieve anything has to come from a registered professional.

Choose a Registered Professional: Know the Difference

As I mentioned before, neither of these occupations are regulated in the world. It is imperative for you to look for a registered professional. That means he is accountable to a professional body, attends supervision on a regular basis, keeps the professional development updated every year, has at least a bachelor on the occupation, and is committed to a lifelong commitment as a coach or counsellor. There are many people saying they are coaches and counsellors, but they have no qualifications, nor hold accountability to any professional body. You deserve the best life ever. Choose a Registered Professional that will take your life to the next level. Choose one that has done his own work, and conduct his sessions by his professional experience. Choose one that will take you to your Authentic Life.

Counselling, Life Coaching & Companionship

In summary, counselling & psychotherapy work towards your feelings of the past, present and future, always looking for the life who wants to live in you. Life coaching works with you towards the life that you want to live - helps you to reduce the gap from where you are in the present to where you want to be in the future. And companionship listens to you deeply and actively without further agenda. The objective is to be present here and now.

What's the best therapy for you?

In order to help you to decide which one works better, I developed a two minutes form, where we could identify which therapy could be more suitable for you.