Men’s Group & Meaningful Friends

Lack of real friendships

It is very common for men to find themselves without real friends after the 4th decade of life. Meaning: friends where they feel at home and at peace with themselves when they are together, without the competition feeling around them. In general, some men by the age of 60, the number of real male friendships are reduced to almost two or three (a conservative assumption). As consequence, they may start to feel isolated, lonely, discouraged, more inclined to develop the symptoms of depression and suicidal ideation.

In this article, it will be explored some ideas on how men can reach out other males with the intention to create a safe environment for real friendship be developed.

It is important to clarify that the idea of create a man’s group mentioned here will be for men above 30 years/old, which is the age where real questions start to kick in , and the anxiety of disclose fears and insecurities are alarmed. These warnings make most men suppress this kind of ‘talk’ believing one day will be solved by itself. It doesn’t.

NOTE: It is also imperative to acknowledge that a men’s group does NOT substitute the benefits of qualified therapy. Most of the men’s group are facilitated by passionate facilitators that take this as a heartfelt and meaningful hobby without having professional qualifications.

Qualified therapy offers a higher depth, it is confidential, no distraction, heart to heart and straight to the point. The attention is all on you and in your challenges.

While being involved in a men’s group is important, work with a professional is wiser and more effective. He has been doing his own work for decades, is committed to life-long development to actualise his practices, and has at least a bachelor in psychotherapy & counselling.

Wandering if therapy is for you?

It is. It becomes a training ground for you to fortify your emotional intelligence. Learn more here.

Usually, friends are workmates

Normally, male friendships are (mostly) originated at the workplace and once they change jobs, the ‘friends’ lose contact, and new ‘friends’ emerge. The conversations are always the same, with the same kind of laughs and jokes. It is full of chit chat (or shit chat). It is very superficial with a great hint of competition among them - even if they are close and best friends. The creation of a men’s group, where the men meet in a weekly or fortnightly basis, is a good idea to break this cycle. It will require character and perseverance. Once the men understand and experience the process, a great bond is created generating a strong friendship based on authenticity. It is important to know this process is slow and takes time.

Creation of Men’s Group

The suggestions will be based in three ways of men’s group: 1 - 30-30-30 Meetings; 2 - The way of council; 3 - Meeting with Sharing, Questions & Reflections. This is just a brief idea of how these groups are running. Feel free to do your own search and create your style of men’s group.

1. 30-30-30 Meeting (based on Richard Roh’s book from Wild Man to Wise Man)The number 30 means 30 minutes for each part of the meeting. Part 1: where am I right now?; Part 2: sharing on the select team; Part 3: what I need to change/do/improve in this week/fortnight/month. The time is based according to the size of the group, which in this case the idea is for six men. As you can see it helps men to share about the present moment, hear about a common subject and reflect on self-improvement followed by action.

2. The Way of Council: Normally it happens in a circle, where a ‘talking’ peace stayed in the centre and each member of the group will have a chance to pick up the talking peace and share. At the beginning it might have a few minutes of meditation to bring the mind, the body and the spirit to the present moment, followed by dedications. Each dedication, a candle can be lighted as a form to invite the sacredness of the moment. The main guidelines are very simple: a) speak from the heart; b) listening from the heart; c) be spontaneous when share (no rehearsal); d) being of lean expression (speak the eye fillet of your heart). It demands from the men a great level of attention and quietness not much experienced in our society.

3. Meeting with Sharing, Questions & Reflections. Similar to The Way of Council, but allowing for one question, comment or reflection, with the intention to take the man deeper on his journey. This style can be quite confronting and uncomfortable, as we (men) don’t like to hear/see our dark sides, and this is an essential element of this kind of group.

Where to Find a Men's Group

You may find plenty of men’s group on the internet & social media. I would invite you to try more than one and stick with the one you feel more connected and supported. Like everything else, it is always about the one you feel more at easy and in peace with yourself, but can challenge you to move forward in your life.

Just a remind that a men’s group does not take you as deeper as therapist would do. Being part of a men’s group would help feel you are not alone, encouraging you to do the best you can. Working with a qualified professional will improve your self-knowledge faster, stronger and more accurate, as you will have full attention of an experienced and qualified therapist for a longer time.

Wandering if therapy is for you?

It is. It is one to one, no distraction, heart to heart and straight to the point. Learn more on the bottom below.

Felipe Oliveira: Qualified Professional

With over 2,000 supervised and logged clinical hours, I am Felipe Oliveira, a Professional Counsellor and Qualified Executive & Life Coach.

I hold a Master’s Degree in Psychotherapy and Counselling, followed by advanced specialisation in Trauma Work (TRTP Therapy).

Whatever emotional challenge you are facing, we can work together to help you move forward — with clarity, strength, and purpose.

You deserve nothing less than the fullest expression of your life. Therapy is for you.

Book your session today and begin living your Authentic Life™.

I am ready when you are.